1 00:00:00,667 --> 00:00:02,497 (funky music) 2 00:00:02,503 --> 00:00:05,503 CLEVELAND: Twelve, eleven, ten-- 3 00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:06,836 hurry, Jr.! 4 00:00:06,841 --> 00:00:07,941 (snoring) 5 00:00:07,942 --> 00:00:10,242 (screaming) Wake up! Wake up! 6 00:00:12,779 --> 00:00:16,849 BOTH: Four, three, two, one! 7 00:00:16,851 --> 00:00:19,521 Happy Black History Month! 8 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,350 (cheering, laughing) 9 00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:22,755 This is why you woke us up? 10 00:00:22,757 --> 00:00:26,327 It took me four Budweisers to get to sleep. 11 00:00:26,327 --> 00:00:28,987 You've been pre-partying?! 12 00:00:28,996 --> 00:00:30,896 (funk playing) ♪ Black History 13 00:00:30,898 --> 00:00:31,828 ♪ Month 14 00:00:31,832 --> 00:00:34,472 ♪ Black History! ♪ Month! 15 00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:35,728 What's happening? 16 00:00:35,736 --> 00:00:37,636 Is this real life? 17 00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:39,468 Is this gonna be forever? 18 00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:42,713 BOTH: ♪ For we're a jolly good race ♪ 19 00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:45,280 ♪ For we're a jolly good race ♪ 20 00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:48,409 ♪ For we're a jolly good race... ♪ 21 00:00:48,416 --> 00:00:52,846 So how many beers had you had when you agreed to marry him? 22 00:00:52,853 --> 00:00:54,823 Eight. 23 00:00:54,822 --> 00:00:55,892 (funky disco plays) 24 00:00:55,890 --> 00:00:58,420 ♪ My name is Cleveland Brown 25 00:00:58,426 --> 00:01:00,486 ♪ And I am proud to be 26 00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,804 ♪ Right back in my hometown 27 00:01:02,797 --> 00:01:05,357 ♪ With my new family 28 00:01:05,366 --> 00:01:07,896 ♪ There's old friends and new friends ♪ 29 00:01:07,902 --> 00:01:09,772 ♪ And even a bear 30 00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:12,240 ♪ Through good times and bad times ♪ 31 00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:13,839 ♪ It's true love we share ♪ 32 00:01:13,841 --> 00:01:15,841 ♪ And so I found a place 33 00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:18,513 ♪ Where everyone will know 34 00:01:18,512 --> 00:01:20,512 ♪ My happy mustached face 35 00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:23,184 ♪ This is The Cleveland Show ♪ 36 00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:25,354 (chuckles) 37 00:01:28,888 --> 00:01:31,888 I float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. 38 00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:33,732 I am the greatest! 39 00:01:33,727 --> 00:01:34,757 Thank you, Dylan. 40 00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:35,832 Well, I think it's obvious 41 00:01:35,830 --> 00:01:38,800 that Dylan would make the best Muhammad Ali 42 00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:40,869 on our float in the Unity Parade. 43 00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:44,798 (humming "Hail to the Chief") 44 00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:47,205 Obama's in the house, y'all! 45 00:01:47,208 --> 00:01:49,138 Stimulus package. 46 00:01:49,143 --> 00:01:49,913 Shut up, Biden. 47 00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:52,180 Give me a cigarette. (chuckles) 48 00:01:52,179 --> 00:01:54,379 Oh, Rallo, I'm so sorry, 49 00:01:54,381 --> 00:01:56,621 but I already promised Hot Wheels 50 00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,347 he could play President Obama. 51 00:01:58,352 --> 00:02:00,422 I'm more Barack than you'll ever be, 52 00:02:00,421 --> 00:02:03,491 and more Michelle than you'll ever get! 53 00:02:03,491 --> 00:02:04,821 Ooh, ooh! 54 00:02:04,825 --> 00:02:07,755 The audacity of Hot Wheels! 55 00:02:07,761 --> 00:02:08,661 (mimics sizzling) 56 00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:10,562 In the spirit of President Obama, 57 00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:12,734 I'm gonna accept that with a calm, 58 00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:14,403 almost medicated equanimity. 59 00:02:14,401 --> 00:02:17,001 I'll just go ahead and be one of the other black presidents. 60 00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:19,944 Actually, I want to be the first black president. 61 00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:20,840 Who was it? 62 00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:21,641 (kids giggle) 63 00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,942 Rallo, Barack Hussein Obama 64 00:02:23,944 --> 00:02:26,714 is the first black president. 65 00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:27,484 What?! 66 00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:29,781 Washington wasn't black? 67 00:02:29,783 --> 00:02:31,523 No. Jefferson? 68 00:02:31,519 --> 00:02:32,319 No. 69 00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:33,349 If Rutherford B. Hayes 70 00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:36,524 wasn't a brother, I don't know what's up! 71 00:02:36,524 --> 00:02:39,424 Well, who were all the black people voting for back then? 72 00:02:39,426 --> 00:02:42,996 For a long time they weren't allowed to vote, Rallo. 73 00:02:42,997 --> 00:02:44,757 They were slaves. 74 00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:45,695 What?! 75 00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:49,329 Do-Do people know about this? 76 00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:51,739 This is an inexcusable outrage! 77 00:02:51,739 --> 00:02:54,539 I want every black person to listen up. 78 00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:55,912 And that means everyone. 79 00:02:55,910 --> 00:02:57,040 I want you to rise up 80 00:02:57,044 --> 00:03:00,484 and find the nearest white-owned home or business and burn... 81 00:03:00,481 --> 00:03:02,781 (Muzak plays) 82 00:03:04,484 --> 00:03:05,354 (wrench clicking) 83 00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:09,622 Jr., would you like the honor of flipping the switch? 84 00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:14,257 (air hissing) 85 00:03:15,895 --> 00:03:18,225 (Cleveland Jr. cheering) There he is! 86 00:03:18,232 --> 00:03:19,432 What do you think, Donna? 87 00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:22,033 I think black history is American history 88 00:03:22,036 --> 00:03:24,936 and shouldn't be celebrated just one month a year. 89 00:03:24,939 --> 00:03:26,809 I also think I don't want my house 90 00:03:26,807 --> 00:03:28,507 looking like Lionel Jefferson. 91 00:03:28,509 --> 00:03:29,509 Why didn't anybody tell me 92 00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:32,680 about the travesties our people have been subjected to? 93 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:34,810 Slavery. Couldn't vote. 94 00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:35,945 Condoleezza Rice. 95 00:03:35,950 --> 00:03:36,850 What else don't I know? 96 00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:40,320 A man plants his seed in a woman. 97 00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:43,421 Man, growin' up today. 98 00:03:43,424 --> 00:03:44,994 Our people are making strides. 99 00:03:44,992 --> 00:03:48,932 The Aunt Jemima label is less racist than in days past. 100 00:03:48,929 --> 00:03:51,359 Are you kidding me? What? I like it 101 00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:53,365 on my buttery pancakes. What?! 102 00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:55,697 Ooh, I could go for some pancakes. 103 00:03:55,703 --> 00:03:57,873 Did somebody say "pancakes"? 104 00:03:57,871 --> 00:03:58,901 Mmm. 105 00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,866 Man, you're a fat sellout. 106 00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:02,214 What did I expect from you? 107 00:04:02,209 --> 00:04:04,679 You let your stepdaughter date a white boy, 108 00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:06,648 you let your son date a white boy. 109 00:04:06,647 --> 00:04:08,547 (giggles) That's impossible. 110 00:04:08,549 --> 00:04:10,919 Me and Ernie are both boys! 111 00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:13,448 That doesn't make any sense. 112 00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:15,824 (laughs) 113 00:04:15,823 --> 00:04:16,763 You work for a white guy. 114 00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:19,987 You ride around all day in a truck with a white guy. 115 00:04:19,994 --> 00:04:21,834 You drink with white guys. 116 00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:22,929 And a bear. 117 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:23,900 A black bear? 118 00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:25,897 His father was a black bear. 119 00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:27,829 His mother, a kangaroo. 120 00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:28,965 So call him what you will. 121 00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:33,669 Well, your boy Lester's definitely a straight-up racist. 122 00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:35,644 Look at that! 123 00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:36,983 CLEVELAND: The flag? 124 00:04:36,977 --> 00:04:38,377 Oh, he's just expressing 125 00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:41,579 his rich cultural tradition of dumbassedness. 126 00:04:41,582 --> 00:04:44,022 CLEVELAND JR. (laughing): Two boys! 127 00:04:44,018 --> 00:04:45,318 Mrs. Lowenstein told me 128 00:04:45,319 --> 00:04:47,019 what that flag means. 129 00:04:47,021 --> 00:04:48,351 You're pathetic for being 130 00:04:48,355 --> 00:04:49,985 friends with him. 131 00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:51,060 You're worse than 132 00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:52,588 Uncle Thomas the Tank Engine. 133 00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:55,633 I reckon I'll take you where these here tracks go, sir. 134 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:56,729 Thank you, Uncle Thomas. 135 00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:59,000 You're a clean, articulate train. 136 00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:00,869 Just get your white ass on board. 137 00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:02,098 What's that, Thomas? 138 00:05:02,102 --> 00:05:04,742 Uh, uh, choo-choo! 139 00:05:07,407 --> 00:05:10,737 RALLO: Where you going, sellout convention? 140 00:05:11,944 --> 00:05:14,884 I am going to see my friends, Rallo. 141 00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:17,022 Oh, including Lester, the racist? 142 00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:18,877 Why don't you ask him what he thinks 143 00:05:18,886 --> 00:05:20,516 about Seal and Heidi Klum? 144 00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:22,291 The recording artist who sang "Kiss from a Rose" 145 00:05:22,289 --> 00:05:23,789 from the Batman Forever soundtrack 146 00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:25,661 and the German supermodel I think about 147 00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,529 during self-exploration?! 148 00:05:29,629 --> 00:05:31,029 Black History Month! 149 00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:33,201 Where's our White History Month? 150 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,870 Where's our White Panthers? 151 00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:37,798 Where's the White and Decker cordless sander? 152 00:05:37,805 --> 00:05:40,935 You don't have an answer to that, do you? 153 00:05:40,941 --> 00:05:42,111 (grunting) 154 00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:45,979 Lester, how do you feel about Seal and Heidi Klum? 155 00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:48,079 I'm glad you asked, Cleveland. 156 00:05:48,082 --> 00:05:50,052 I don't think a man with his skin 157 00:05:50,050 --> 00:05:51,620 should be with a woman like that. 158 00:05:51,618 --> 00:05:55,548 When you say, "his skin," do you mean color or texture? 159 00:05:55,556 --> 00:05:57,616 I don't think I like your tone, Cleveland. 160 00:05:57,624 --> 00:06:00,934 When you say, "my tone," do you mean the tone of my voice, 161 00:06:00,928 --> 00:06:02,128 or the tone of my skin? 162 00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:04,999 I'm too drunk to fully understand what you just asked, 163 00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:06,258 but you're pissing me off. 164 00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:08,396 You and that black mustache of yours. 165 00:06:08,402 --> 00:06:12,142 How dare you judge me by the color of my mustache! 166 00:06:12,139 --> 00:06:13,409 (grunting) 167 00:06:15,608 --> 00:06:17,108 (groans) 168 00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:23,975 (both grunting) 169 00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:32,664 Take this, you honky cracker! 170 00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:35,989 This is for not letting us have more offensive racial slurs 171 00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:38,226 than "honky" and "cracker"! 172 00:06:38,232 --> 00:06:39,232 (glass shattering) 173 00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:42,173 (machine dinging) 174 00:06:42,169 --> 00:06:46,539 Someone clean up the trash! 175 00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:47,670 Wait, wait, wait. 176 00:06:47,674 --> 00:06:50,844 Someone clean up the white trash. 177 00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:54,154 Yeah, that's better. 178 00:06:57,016 --> 00:06:58,516 Look, I didn't want to hit him. 179 00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:01,289 But I couldn't let him get away with it, Donna. 180 00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:02,618 Well, all right, old man! 181 00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:04,993 Finally taking the fight to whitey himself. 182 00:07:04,992 --> 00:07:07,192 I didn't know you had it in you. 183 00:07:07,194 --> 00:07:07,834 No, Rallo. 184 00:07:07,828 --> 00:07:09,998 I shouldn't have resorted to violence. 185 00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:11,657 Violence is never the answer. 186 00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:15,125 Unless the question is, "What is never the answer?" 187 00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:17,595 (doorbell rings) 188 00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:19,104 Cleveland Brown? 189 00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:19,836 That's me. 190 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:21,610 We are investigating a racial incident 191 00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,308 which took place at The Broken Stool last night. 192 00:07:23,310 --> 00:07:26,080 Oh, Lester didn't mean anything by that mess. 193 00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:28,849 I'm afraid that's not why we're here, Mr. Brown. 194 00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:30,019 According to multiple eyewitnesses, 195 00:07:30,017 --> 00:07:33,547 you were seen assaulting Mr. Lester Krinklesac. 196 00:07:33,554 --> 00:07:34,024 What?! 197 00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:35,121 Apparently you also referred 198 00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:36,222 to Mr. Krinklesac as a-- 199 00:07:36,223 --> 00:07:39,863 ma'am you may want to cover your child's ears for this-- 200 00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:42,590 a "honky" and a "cracker." 201 00:07:42,596 --> 00:07:43,956 You make me sick. 202 00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,264 You're under arrest. 203 00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:47,225 For what? Hate crime. 204 00:07:47,234 --> 00:07:47,774 (gasps) 205 00:07:47,768 --> 00:07:49,228 A hate cr...?! Wha...?! 206 00:07:49,236 --> 00:07:51,296 I'm gonna call my lawyer. 207 00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:52,265 (keypad beeps) 208 00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:54,842 Uh, Cleveland Brown for Len Stein. 209 00:07:54,842 --> 00:07:56,012 He's not? 210 00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:58,709 He's sitting Shivah for his dead aunt? 211 00:07:58,712 --> 00:07:59,982 He'll be out for two weeks?! 212 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:03,180 You tell that bagel muncher he's a dead man! 213 00:08:03,183 --> 00:08:05,153 You hear me? A dead ma-- 214 00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:06,252 (clears throat) 215 00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:07,953 I'm sorry for his loss. 216 00:08:07,955 --> 00:08:12,685 You watch, he's still gonna charge me for that call. 217 00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:19,260 Mmm, check out my man, 218 00:08:19,266 --> 00:08:21,296 all smooth and sexy-lookin' 219 00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:24,341 like Blair Underwood goin' to court in L.A. Law. 220 00:08:24,338 --> 00:08:27,368 Or Denzel in Philadelphia, but the point is, 221 00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:30,614 how dare Lester accuse me of a hate crime? 222 00:08:30,611 --> 00:08:32,281 That's like the Twilight movies 223 00:08:32,279 --> 00:08:34,579 lining up to see a bunch of fat girls. 224 00:08:34,581 --> 00:08:36,181 It's all backwards! 225 00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:37,723 You're a hero, old man. 226 00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:40,248 You wouldn't believe how many white college kids 227 00:08:40,254 --> 00:08:41,694 bought these T-shirts. 228 00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:42,688 Let me see that? 229 00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:44,889 Hanes Beefy Tees? How much? 230 00:08:44,892 --> 00:08:46,662 $20. All right. 231 00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:47,730 Give me two for 35? 232 00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:49,028 I want to get one for my wife. 233 00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:50,729 Yeah, I'll give you two for 35. 234 00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:52,231 You got a woman's large? 235 00:08:52,232 --> 00:08:54,132 Look, there's Lester now. 236 00:08:54,134 --> 00:08:56,074 Geez, Lester. 237 00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:56,999 Overact much? 238 00:08:57,004 --> 00:08:59,304 That's verbal assault! Verbal assault! 239 00:08:59,306 --> 00:09:00,666 Witness! 240 00:09:00,674 --> 00:09:01,214 (sighs) 241 00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:02,968 Hi, Ernie, you want a bite 242 00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:04,406 of my candy necklace? 243 00:09:04,411 --> 00:09:07,111 Do I?! 244 00:09:07,114 --> 00:09:08,314 You're coming with me. 245 00:09:08,315 --> 00:09:12,745 You keep your weird son away from my weird son! 246 00:09:14,754 --> 00:09:16,324 So, I think you'll find, Your Honor, 247 00:09:16,323 --> 00:09:17,923 that like most hate crimes, 248 00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:21,685 this was nothing but a big misunderstanding. 249 00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:22,925 Huh? You know what? 250 00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:26,900 It's such a nice day, why don't we have court outside? 251 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,100 He's the coolest judge. 252 00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:31,372 Your Excellency... 253 00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:32,771 Oh-oh, hang on. 254 00:09:32,773 --> 00:09:34,413 (sighs) I felt a drop. 255 00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:36,438 You feel that, Tony? Yeah. 256 00:09:36,443 --> 00:09:37,943 Yeah, me, too. 257 00:09:37,945 --> 00:09:40,205 LESTER: And I can't eat, 258 00:09:40,213 --> 00:09:41,413 I can't sleep. 259 00:09:41,415 --> 00:09:42,745 I live in constant fear. 260 00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:46,719 Plus, with my sprained finger, I can't fiddle or whittle. 261 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:48,790 I mean, this guy messed me up bad. 262 00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:50,319 My teeth used to be straight. 263 00:09:50,324 --> 00:09:51,764 That's an outright lie! 264 00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:55,928 Oh, so now all white people are liars! 265 00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,759 No, just you! 266 00:09:57,764 --> 00:10:00,874 And George W. Bush. 267 00:10:00,867 --> 00:10:02,497 There. I said it. 268 00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:04,872 Do with me what you will. 269 00:10:04,871 --> 00:10:06,771 Order in the court! Order in the-- 270 00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,643 Oh, ah, bummer. 271 00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:10,182 Left my gavel outside. 272 00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:11,737 Nope, got it right here. 273 00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:12,735 Cheers, man. 274 00:10:12,746 --> 00:10:14,476 Anyway, listen, I've heard enough. 275 00:10:14,481 --> 00:10:16,351 So, I-I know you dudes are all, 276 00:10:16,350 --> 00:10:19,480 "Okay, Judge Dave, what is the sentence?" 277 00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:21,016 All right, all right, get this. 278 00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:24,321 I sentence you both to build a float-- 279 00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:28,734 together-- for the Stoolbend Unity Parade. 280 00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:29,689 What?! What?! 281 00:10:29,696 --> 00:10:31,896 Classic Judge Dave. 282 00:10:31,898 --> 00:10:33,428 He really thinks outside the box, 283 00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:35,273 like the editors of Time magazine. 284 00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:38,268 (tank wheezing) We could do a story on computers. 285 00:10:38,271 --> 00:10:40,011 What? Computers. 286 00:10:40,007 --> 00:10:43,337 (overlapping mumbling) 287 00:10:47,113 --> 00:10:49,283 So... uh... 288 00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:50,222 this is fun. 289 00:10:50,217 --> 00:10:51,647 The-the two musketeers! 290 00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:56,252 Who says we need Lester and Cleveland to have a good time? 291 00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:01,362 (sighs) I wish Cleveland and Lester 292 00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:03,401 would kiss and make out already. 293 00:11:03,397 --> 00:11:04,957 I once tried to kiss Josh Lucas. 294 00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:06,155 Didn't go for it. Punched me. 295 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:08,066 Told him I was doing a bit. Didn't believe me. 296 00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:10,498 Told him he was more handsome than a young Paul Newman. 297 00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:12,804 Then he kissed me. Weird night. 298 00:11:12,806 --> 00:11:14,036 Never doing shrooms again. 299 00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:17,581 Turns out it wasn't Josh Lucas. 300 00:11:17,577 --> 00:11:19,677 Yeah, okay. 301 00:11:25,451 --> 00:11:27,191 (moans) 302 00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,387 Aw, dawg! 303 00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:28,848 Liquid ice! 304 00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:32,555 What? Roberta, why can't you just date a black guy? 305 00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:34,459 Do I look white or Asian? 306 00:11:34,461 --> 00:11:37,531 Yo, sis, you got to be more like Cleveland-- 307 00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:38,461 he's the real deal. 308 00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:41,195 He knows how to stand up to The Man. 309 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:44,641 By doing arts and crafts with him? 310 00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:48,709 What?! People are crazy! 311 00:11:48,709 --> 00:11:50,939 We need some racial justice around here! 312 00:11:50,944 --> 00:11:54,884 I guess if a man wants to see any real change in this world, 313 00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:56,551 he has to take it upon himself to... 314 00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:59,450 Rallo, you're blocking the TV! 315 00:11:59,453 --> 00:12:01,953 TV ANNOUNCER: In honor of Black History Month, 316 00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:03,915 tonight's episode of Flavor of Love 317 00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:07,794 will be shown without commercial interruption. 318 00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:13,104 I'm gonna take that flag down by any means necessary. 319 00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:15,070 Our people have come too far. 320 00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:17,268 FLAVOR FLAV (on TV): Yeah, boyeee...! 321 00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:18,540 (TV audience laughing) 322 00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:20,838 (groans) 323 00:12:21,807 --> 00:12:24,037 (van door closes) 324 00:12:27,546 --> 00:12:29,276 Rallo! You're gonna miss your bus! 325 00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:31,622 Don't want to be late for the Unity Parade! 326 00:12:31,618 --> 00:12:32,518 Yeah, yeah, whatever. 327 00:12:32,519 --> 00:12:35,289 Let's get this thing over with. 328 00:12:36,822 --> 00:12:39,892 Look, Cleveland, let's just get through this, 329 00:12:39,893 --> 00:12:42,333 and we never have to talk to each other again. 330 00:12:42,329 --> 00:12:46,359 Fine. Soon I will only stare down at you eerily 331 00:12:46,366 --> 00:12:49,166 from my attic window. 332 00:13:02,014 --> 00:13:04,284 (door creaks) 333 00:13:14,426 --> 00:13:15,926 (high-pitched gasping) 334 00:13:15,929 --> 00:13:18,129 Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no! 335 00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:19,631 Timber...! 336 00:13:19,633 --> 00:13:21,173 (screaming) 337 00:13:22,501 --> 00:13:24,271 Oh, my Lord... 338 00:13:24,271 --> 00:13:28,471 I think I crushed another dog. 339 00:13:29,341 --> 00:13:31,541 KENDRA: Help...! 340 00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:36,279 Help! Somebody help! 341 00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:38,983 Dang, you're a lot of lady. 342 00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:40,515 Is that you, Jesus? 343 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:42,590 No! It's me, Rallo! 344 00:13:42,589 --> 00:13:44,689 (grunting in fear) 345 00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:46,621 Don't rob us! 346 00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:48,426 We ain't got no cash! 347 00:13:48,428 --> 00:13:50,028 That bagel muncher Len Stein 348 00:13:50,030 --> 00:13:54,030 got us all tied up in mortgage-backed securities! 349 00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:55,274 What?! I'm not a thief! 350 00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:57,668 I'm just here to steal your flag. 351 00:13:57,671 --> 00:13:59,071 Now, get off me! 352 00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:02,142 (strained grunting) 353 00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:04,012 I can't move! 354 00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:05,040 (grunts) 355 00:14:05,045 --> 00:14:08,005 My Rascal is my legs. 356 00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:09,984 And my arms. 357 00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:13,023 And, too often, my toilet. 358 00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:13,349 (groans) 359 00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:16,453 (squeaky chittering) 360 00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:18,056 Oh, Princess! 361 00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:19,018 Thank God! 362 00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:21,355 Bring Mama the phone. 363 00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:22,991 (squeaky chittering) 364 00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:25,596 El telefono. 365 00:14:25,599 --> 00:14:27,929 Bring it to Mama. 366 00:14:29,335 --> 00:14:30,695 Stupid possum. 367 00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:31,644 (squeaks) 368 00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:35,538 (squeaking) Aah! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! 369 00:14:37,977 --> 00:14:43,477 Welcome, minorities, to the 2010 Stoolbend Unity Parade. 370 00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:45,383 The parade has been a Stoolbend tradition 371 00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:48,315 since Virginia became the last state in the nation 372 00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:52,621 to officially abolish slavery earlier this year. 373 00:14:54,260 --> 00:14:56,560 Hey, Gilbert Grape's mom. 374 00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:57,533 Yeah? 375 00:14:57,530 --> 00:14:58,960 I'm hungry. 376 00:14:58,965 --> 00:15:00,095 Me, too. 377 00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,430 If you was on death row, 378 00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:04,465 what would your last meal be? 379 00:15:04,471 --> 00:15:07,771 Oh, what, I'm gonna end up on death row because I'm black? 380 00:15:07,774 --> 00:15:12,844 No. I said it because my peepaw was on death row, 381 00:15:12,846 --> 00:15:17,176 and his last meal was 77 mozzarella sticks. 382 00:15:17,183 --> 00:15:20,183 He never made it to the chair. 383 00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:21,686 Massive coronary. 384 00:15:21,688 --> 00:15:24,158 (laughs) But that was peepaw! 385 00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:25,517 Popcorn shrimp. 386 00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:26,285 What, now? 387 00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:29,433 That'd be my last meal-- popcorn shrimp. 388 00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:32,429 (laughs) I love popcorn scrimps! 389 00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:34,772 Getting hard to find these days, though. 390 00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:37,538 Yeah, if they close down one more Red Lobster, 391 00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:38,797 I'm gonna have to kill somebody. 392 00:15:38,805 --> 00:15:42,265 And then you'd end up on death row. 393 00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:43,535 Like your peepaw. 394 00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:45,213 And then you could order... 395 00:15:45,211 --> 00:15:47,451 popcorn scrimps! Popcorn shrimp! 396 00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:50,147 (both laughing) 397 00:15:51,650 --> 00:15:54,090 I got to say, Mrs. Krinklesac, 398 00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:55,147 I misjudged you. 399 00:15:55,155 --> 00:15:58,215 You may be a backwoods redneck cracker, 400 00:15:58,224 --> 00:15:59,494 but you're all right. 401 00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:00,462 Oh, Rallo, 402 00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:04,030 I take back what I said about Katrina. 403 00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:05,560 Uh-huh. (beeping) 404 00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:06,525 RALLO: What's that? 405 00:16:06,533 --> 00:16:10,233 Oh, no! It's my diabetes buzzer! 406 00:16:10,236 --> 00:16:13,496 I need sugar, or I'll go into a coma 407 00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:15,536 and you'll be crushed! 408 00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:16,512 What do you mean? 409 00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:17,609 I've been arching my back 410 00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:20,310 to keep some of my weight off you. 411 00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:23,683 But I'm starting to get weary. 412 00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:25,723 (cracking) 413 00:16:25,719 --> 00:16:26,619 Oh, no! 414 00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:29,649 I hope they just say I died under a woman 415 00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:31,856 and leave it at that. 416 00:16:31,858 --> 00:16:34,988 And here we have our third court-ordered float, 417 00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:35,825 "Working Together," 418 00:16:35,829 --> 00:16:38,059 featuring the duo behind Stoolbend's 419 00:16:38,064 --> 00:16:39,634 most recent hate crime, 420 00:16:39,632 --> 00:16:41,802 Cleveland Brown and Lester Krinklesac. 421 00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:43,671 GORDY: And look who they've got on the float. 422 00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:46,570 It's Robert Parish and Larry Bird. 423 00:16:46,573 --> 00:16:47,913 ANGUS: Flashing back to the '90s, 424 00:16:47,907 --> 00:16:52,107 there's Dave Matthews and his weird violinist guy. 425 00:16:52,112 --> 00:16:54,752 GORDY: And Madonna and Barbaro. 426 00:16:54,748 --> 00:16:56,348 Just another quarter-mile 427 00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:59,849 and I don't have to be tolerant ever again. 428 00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:03,855 (crowd gasping) 429 00:17:03,857 --> 00:17:06,417 The Chief! You're burning the Chief! 430 00:17:06,426 --> 00:17:08,086 You did that on purpose! 431 00:17:08,094 --> 00:17:09,594 (grunts) You bastard! 432 00:17:09,596 --> 00:17:12,296 Without that mustache, he's hideous! 433 00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:14,928 Mrs. Tubbs? 434 00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:16,334 What are you doing here? 435 00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:18,136 I thought Rallo was missing school 436 00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:21,368 to tend to your bad sore throat, which makes you sound 437 00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,274 exactly like Rallo on the phone. 438 00:17:23,276 --> 00:17:25,876 What?! Rallo never came to school today? 439 00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:28,509 Where is he? (grunts) 440 00:17:34,653 --> 00:17:35,753 (tires squeal) 441 00:17:37,189 --> 00:17:38,759 Don't worry, Rallo. 442 00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:41,128 Mama's on her way. 443 00:17:43,529 --> 00:17:46,529 (tires squeal) 444 00:17:53,472 --> 00:17:55,742 (tires squeal) 445 00:17:59,978 --> 00:18:01,648 As a mother, this is not even 446 00:18:01,648 --> 00:18:04,718 the most stressful thing I've done today. 447 00:18:07,719 --> 00:18:12,619 Oh! The darkness is closing in. 448 00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:15,225 I'm comin', Peepaw! 449 00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:17,998 I'm comin', Dale, Sr.! 450 00:18:17,997 --> 00:18:20,697 No. Don't you die on me, Mrs. K! 451 00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:24,970 Stay with me and I'll make sure we get that popcorn shrimp. 452 00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:27,111 With side orders? 453 00:18:27,107 --> 00:18:29,237 You bet. Cheese biscuits, 454 00:18:29,242 --> 00:18:31,342 onion rings, hush puppies... 455 00:18:31,344 --> 00:18:33,444 Oh, hush puppies! 456 00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:36,276 You're getting me all hot and juicy. 457 00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:39,922 What?! You're making me sweat! 458 00:18:40,419 --> 00:18:42,619 Oh, man, you're not kidding. 459 00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:43,822 Wait a minute! 460 00:18:43,823 --> 00:18:45,093 If you keep sweating like this, 461 00:18:45,091 --> 00:18:47,021 I can probably slide myself out. 462 00:18:47,026 --> 00:18:50,326 Well, then keep naming sides. 463 00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:52,330 Uh, macaroni and cheese, 464 00:18:52,332 --> 00:18:54,732 bread, baked potatoes... 465 00:18:54,734 --> 00:18:56,204 Describe them! 466 00:18:56,202 --> 00:18:58,242 They're huge and fluffy 467 00:18:58,238 --> 00:19:01,308 and covered in butter and cheese... 468 00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:02,207 Oh, yeah! 469 00:19:02,208 --> 00:19:03,608 And bacon bits 470 00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:05,840 and sour cream and ice cream 471 00:19:05,845 --> 00:19:07,905 and Pop-Tarts and Fun Dip. 472 00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:09,654 Are you close? Yes! 473 00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:10,479 Faster! 474 00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:12,083 Cocoa Puffs. Lucky Charms. 475 00:19:12,085 --> 00:19:15,185 Marshmallows. Maple syrup. (Kendra moaning) 476 00:19:15,188 --> 00:19:16,648 Peppermints. Beef. 477 00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:17,986 Uh, cookie dough, uh... 478 00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:19,061 jar of lard. (moaning continues) 479 00:19:19,058 --> 00:19:21,658 Cheez-Its. Funyuns. What do they call those 480 00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:23,691 fried jalapeño cheese things? 481 00:19:23,696 --> 00:19:25,796 Poppers! 482 00:19:25,798 --> 00:19:27,528 (Rallo grunts) 483 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:30,540 (Kendra sighing) 484 00:19:33,972 --> 00:19:36,112 (Cleveland and Lester scream) 485 00:19:36,109 --> 00:19:37,309 (paramedics grunting) 486 00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:39,680 Oh, my God! Rallo! 487 00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:40,609 Kendra! 488 00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:43,113 What did you do to her, you little rascal? 489 00:19:43,116 --> 00:19:44,976 Which one of the Little Rascals? 490 00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:46,524 I think you know. 491 00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,189 Lester, stop! 492 00:19:48,188 --> 00:19:50,288 He saved my life. He what? 493 00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:53,690 If it wasn't for Rallo, I'd be dead. 494 00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:56,293 But thanks to him, the doctor says 495 00:19:56,296 --> 00:19:58,196 I'm gonna be perfectly fine. 496 00:19:58,198 --> 00:20:00,358 I definitely did not say that. 497 00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:02,366 Your wife has severe type-2 diabetes 498 00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:05,268 and cholesterol that cannot be measured 499 00:20:05,271 --> 00:20:06,401 by current science. 500 00:20:06,406 --> 00:20:09,406 Your boy saved my Kendra. 501 00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:10,439 You know, uh, 502 00:20:10,443 --> 00:20:13,113 maybe you're not so bad after all. 503 00:20:13,112 --> 00:20:14,852 I accept your apology. 504 00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:16,107 I didn't apologize. 505 00:20:16,115 --> 00:20:18,315 You don't have to. And neither do I. 506 00:20:18,318 --> 00:20:19,348 It's just who we are. 507 00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:21,392 I'm probably gonna keep saying dumb crap, 508 00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:23,447 'cause I don't know any better. 509 00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:25,816 And I'll be here to fly off the handle 510 00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:28,355 and slap you around when you do. 511 00:20:28,361 --> 00:20:29,461 Friends again? 512 00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:31,962 Course we are. 513 00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:35,298 Oh, and it would mean a lot to Rallo 514 00:20:35,301 --> 00:20:37,441 if you took down that Confederate flag. 515 00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:39,497 Confederate flag? What's that? 516 00:20:39,505 --> 00:20:41,935 That there's my Dukes of Hazzard flag 517 00:20:41,941 --> 00:20:43,741 signed by Roscoe P. Coltrane hisself. 518 00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:47,453 You don't know what the Confederate flag stands for, do you? 519 00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:48,247 Nope. 520 00:20:48,248 --> 00:20:50,348 Do you know what "KKK" stands for? 521 00:20:50,350 --> 00:20:53,080 Kendra Krystal Krinklesac. Huh?! 522 00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:57,256 Maybe they should have a White History Month. 523 00:20:57,257 --> 00:20:58,387 (all laughing) 524 00:20:58,391 --> 00:21:04,101 Stay tuned for an all-new, all-white Family Guy. 525 00:21:04,151 --> 00:21:08,701 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0